Why I stopped trying to be the “perfect” therapist for EVERYONE
READ TIME : 4 min
To understand, I have to take you back:
I was 4 years into my career as a therapist, (and lots of debt) when I realized that I just couldn’t help everyone.
It was the middle of the pandemic, and I was working for a community mental health agency. Trying my best to be the perfect therapist for every population and every diagnosis. And constantly trying find time between sessions to research better ways to help them.
I knew something had to change in my work because I was exhausted and just didn’t feel as effective as I wanted to. So I knew I needed to make some adjustments or I needed to find a new career.
Suddenly it hit me: No one can be an expert in every aspect of mental health. And honestly, to really provide the best care for my clients, I had to STOP trying to be.
I realized it’s not about trying to learn a little bit about everything, so I can help everyone, on my own. It’s about learning EVERYTHING about a few areas, so that I can truly help.
I made 4 significant changes:
I left agency work and opened my own practice
I specialize in a few areas that I feel both confident and excited: anxiety, OCD, and panic.
I focus my additional trainings in these areas primarily so I can truly be an expert and confident in my work
I intentionally have a smaller caseload so I can show up fresh for each client and remember all the details
As a result I feel the most confident and effective as a therapist as I have felt in my entire career.
Honesty and authenticity are big for me personally, so I think being able to confidently tell someone that I think I can help them really lets me live by those values in my work as well. And when I don’t think I’m the best fit then I feel authentic in having that conversation and no longer think it makes me a bad therapist or incompetent. In fact, quite the opposite.
I just don’t think everyone can be an expert in every mental health disorder. It would be like having one doctor to do everything with your medical care: complete your physical exam each year, conduct surgery, be in charge of my OBGYN care, etc. Obviously that would be UNREALISTIC.
Back in the day that might have been the best option for both doctors and therapists to be a one stop shop because they were quite literally the only option in town. But we have access to providers across the state and sometimes even across the country for mental health, so I just don’t think it’s the best practice of medicine or mental health care anymore.
One caveat would be that sometimes therapists can specialize in a certain modality that really does have research saying that it’s effective for multiple issues. But still not the entire spectrum of mental health.
And sometimes clients don’t want to work with someone else and in those cases I think there are opportunities to meet with two providers as a team, for example I might do exposure work with someone while they continue to see another therapist for a different need or just as preventative support.
Lastly, sometimes people come into therapy either unsure of what they want to work on or aren’t aware of perhaps a particular diagnosis. In that case I think it’s totally ok and I would recommend you tell the therapist that and remember that after a few sessions you can both decide based on their evaluation if they in fact are still a good fit for you or if they think someone else might be a better fit.
Hi, I’m Michelle
I’ve been working in mental health since 2010 and struggling with anxiety for oh, idk, maybe my entire life.
And with my lived experience having anxiety, I know what works, what doesn’t, and what makes things feel worse. In here, you’re not alone, and I’ll work with you to shed the shame along with the anxiety. And by using evidence-based practices, I’ll help you recover, not just feel better.